25: The Castle

 On Tuesday we took off to the coast. Joel, Joel-Ryan, and I. To be honest I was a little scared but I have decided to give Joel one last chance, and he is really trying. Those emotions that I felt when we were fell in love are all coming back. I feel giddy when he holds my hand, I blush when he says 'I love you'. I think this trip is just what we needed.
 


























Joel-Ryan got to stay at his first hotel room. Sadly it wasn't anything fancy just a simple Motel 6. We were only stay one night and heck there is nothing wrong with a Motel 6. Especially if your in the right location haha. I've been to some funky Motel 6s in my times.

As soon as we got there Joel and Joel-Ryan took over the bed for a game of peek-a-boo. Excuse the nakedness, but once he saw sheets he just wanted to play.

He is really big into sheets right now. We actually spend 30 minutes during the day laying in bed just because Joel-Ryan wants to play with sheets. He gets so excited he starts to kick like mad till all the sheets are off of him. Then he eagerly waits for you to put them back on, and the second you do they are right back off.  So if you are ever over to visit and want to hear our little guy laugh you know the first thing to reach for.

We woke up the next morning and headed off to San Simeon. It was such a windy day, as you can tell by my wonderful hairstyle. When we arrived we had to wait about an hour till our tour started. So we walked all around. We ended up out side looking at the trees, birds, and squirrels which Joel-Ryan really didn't enjoy. He was so pissed off at the wind.

Neptune's pool. How freakin' awesome would it be if this was your pool? I can imagine sitting in the living room with guests on a warm summer day. "Hey lets go for a swim next to some ancient ruins." What a way to live.















Remember that living room I talked about? Well, this is it! It was called something else, I think the viewing room or visiting room. I don't remember. But either way it was great. This is probably about a fourth of it.

Then no more then ten minutes after this picture was taken...

He passed out.

He made it half way through the tour and slept the rest. This trip was so much fun. I cannot wait for another.

24: Ugh!!!

I have no clue what happened but for the longest time I could not log in. I started to think, "Don't tell me I am going to have to start this whole blog all over AGAIN!" That would mean blog 3 about the exact same stuff.

Seeing how I have been gone for awhile so much has happen. Joel-Ryan has hit 3 milestones. That's right, THREE.

He has finally rolled over, and boy did he roll. Thursday, February 3rd, we got back to front, then Friday, February 4th, we got front to back. I mean he did it like he's been doing it for months. I missed the back to front. I was in the kitchen making him and I breakfast. When I got up he was laying on the floor playing, next thing I know all I hear is "Uhhh!" and I look back and the little booger is on his stomach. I was so proud I started jumping up and down, smiling and shouting "Good job!" and "You did it!" at him.

Then on Friday everyone caught it. Mom, Stacy, Andrew and me were all in the living room with him and I put him on his tummy. All of a sudden, whoop! He rolled. If you would have blinked you would have missed it.

Now the last milestone. On Wednesday, February 9th, not only did he turn 5 months but he finally got his first tooth! Right now its just a small little white line poking ever so slightly out from his gums but it is there. And boy do I feel it when he takes a bite out of my finger. Which at the moment I really do not mind. I think I am so proud I push the "ouch" to the back of my mind. I just wish Joel-Ryan could do the same. Poor little guy has been up every night in pain. It breaks my heart cause I feel like I cannot do anything to ease the pain. I know there is orajel, tylenol and amber necklaces but I feel like I have a new born all over again. I am unsure if that cry is a "Mommy I'm in pain" or a "Mommy I'm tired/hungry/cold/hot/etc.".  But all in all I am enjoying this new adventure.

23: Regrets and Raspberries.

This weekend was awful. I honestly regret going. I have never acted more fake in my entire life. Thank goodness it is over. From the beginning all I heard was, "Oh my gosh you use cloth, those are the worse things to put on your baby" to "Oh yeah, so and so has been together for 40 years! I know relationships take work." Says the lady who go a divorce. ::rolls eyes::

I just wish I could put this whole weekend in the back of my mind and never have to think about it again. But then Joel comes around and has been begging for the past two days that he wishes I would move back and that he loves me and wishes I could forgive him. I mean I forgave him how long ago? To be honest every time he begs me I want to take another step away from him. It has gotten to the point where I cannot stand him being around. On Monday he brought up divorce again, I told him that I want full custody. He still cannot see why I do not want him alone with the baby. UGH!!!

On a brighter side someone has learned how to do raspberries, but he only does them during diaper changes. The first time he tried, on Saturday, I honestly thought something was wrong. All he kept doing was "ah..ah...ah" then later on all of a sudden he let out a loud raspberry! I almost died from laughing. Here I was crying and worrying that something was wrong with him, and all he was trying to do was blow a raspberry. Silly boy.

Man, my little guy is growing so quickly. You know that in just 8 short days he will be 5 months. I know! 5 months already. It may be going by quickly but I am loving every minute of it.

Also, I have not forgotten about the blog challenge, just leaving this weekend I was so busy packing and freaking out I did not have a chance to do it. But first thing tomorrow I plan to start.

I promise, if not you guys can kick me virtually.

22: Wish me luck.

Tomorrow we are going to his sister's house so they can meet the baby. At first I did not want to go. All week long I was hoping he would forget and I could just spend my weekend here and home, just me and Joel-Ryan. But he did not, darn it!

When he came over today he told me that his sister and niece no longer want me to go over, that they think it will be too awkward. And to be honest it will be, which is why I never wanted to go in the first place. He also told me how he told them everything. Well almost everything. He left out the number one reason why I moved out. Yeah, I was uncomfortable, lonely and miserable, but the main reason I left was because of how he started to make me feel. I even told him today, he broke down and started to cry. He had no clue, even though I have told him three or four times already. Shows how much he listens.

Well, later on he called me and asked me if I still wanted to go. That if it gets awkward we can leave, he said that he does not want to go with out me and Joel-Ryan. I am unsure if this is just a story or the truth, but we are going....Wish me luck!

21: Blog Challenge

I found this blog challenge on a fellow Bumpie's blog. So starting tomorrow, and hopefully every day after that I will try and complete each one. Wish me luck!

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you've traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you're afraid of
Day 11-Favorite TV shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you're looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you've learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture

20: I want to sell something on Etsy.

Since I busted out my mom's sewing machine and sewed a very bad cloth diaper, hey, it was my first try, I have been interested in making and selling something on Etsy. But I am not sure what. I know it will take me awhile to get the hang of making cloth diapers so that is out. Then I was thinking about making burp cloths out of Gerber prefolds, I have seen those on there. Then I started to think about my ugly boring plan white wipe case and thought that would be cool. I have seen some on there and I think if I make it a package deal, which is still in the process, I think it would work. So I think I will do it.
And if I get good at sewing cloth diapers maybe I will sell those too...

I am also considering opening my own baby boutique. Somewhere that sells cloth diapers. Cause it is crazy driving three plus hours just to go to one. And on top of that the store only sells three kinds.

I cannot wait to get paid so I can put this dream to a reality.

Holy cow its 1 in the morning?! I did not even realize that. Here I am spending my valuable sleeping time looking at stuff on Etsy. CURSE YOU ETSY!!!

19: I am at a lost

He gave me my rings back today, told me how much he loved me and how he wanted us to be back together. I told him I would move back but to know that I would not be happy. I mean I want to do it for my son, I do want to do it cause I want to be with my husband again. But I am not sure if I still even love him, which scares me. Should I just give in and settle? Or do I just feel like this because I am so tired, and so very sad from the past month. I mean it has already been a month since we moved out and I am no more happy here then I was there. I wish something or someone can just tell me what to do.

He even kissed me today, I did not feel anything. But I was so scared and upset I am not sure if I even could. Maybe I just need to relax and us three spend time together and see how I feel. Because when we did go on our date a few weeks back I felt great. That was till he started to beg me for some again...

Maybe I really am just over reacting. I think its time to pull out the big girl panties again and figure out what I truly want. Am I meant to be a single mom for the time being or is Joel truly the one for me?

But if he is then why did he ask for the rings back and tell me its over? It is probably because I have grown so distant from him.... I think we need a "just us" time. And by just us I mean Joel-Ryan, Joel and me. Starting tomorrow I need to figure out what I want and stick with it.

Wish me luck.