15: What do you want in life?

For a while now I keep getting asked this question. So this whole week I took my time and came up with one hundred things I want in life. Okay I will be honest, once I started writing I could not quit. I know a hundred things sounds like a lot but once I hit the hundred mark I wanted to keep going. But I made a deal with myself, only a hundred. Also, keep in mind that these are really personal and sharing these does make me feel more confident with myself.

Also, if you would like to participate in "One Hundred Things I want in Life" feel free to leave a link in my comments and I will check it out. (again, that is if I have readers)

So without further ado, my list (in no particular order, they are numbered for how they popped up in my head):

1. I want to be happy, I mean really, really happy.
2. I want to smile and truly mean it.
3. I want to have a house to call a home, with a white picket fence and everything.
4. I want my son to grow up knowing his dad.
5. I want to live out in the country.
6. I want to bake something every weekend till the day I die. And when people come over I want them to tell me how great my house smells. (that was a two for one)
7. I want to feel sexy in the nude.
8. I want to fall head over heels in love every day with my husband....
9. I want to wear a sexy black dress in public and not worry about a fat bulge.
10. I want to learn how to sew, so I can make all my son's clothes.
11. I want to open my own bakery.
12. I want to go back to school to become a mechanic.
13. I want to have a big fancy wedding, so that one day in my life everyone notices me.
14. I want a star named after me.
15. I want to dance in the rain.
16. I want to grow gray and wrinkled with my husband....
17. I want two wicker rocking chairs on the back porch of my house so me and my loved one can watch the sun set.
18. I want to stay up with you to watch the sun rise.
19. I want to kiss under the stars.
20. I want to dance in the nude in an open field of flowers.
21. I want to lose weight.
22. I want to feel pretty and confident about my asymmetric breasts.
23. I want to be told every morning I am beautiful. Because that is the time when I have no make-up, my hair is not done, I have morning breath, and my hair is ratted up.
24. I want to go camping and really rough it. Any tips on how to pee safely in the woods?
25. I want to teach my son that pads and tampons are not poisonious.
26. I want to spend one day in my life, a complete twenty-four hours, doing nothing but eating junk food and watching TV.
27. I want my fifteen minutes of fame.
28. I want to go to Egypt.
29. I want to watch my little boy grow up to be a gentle man.
30. I want a little girl next.
31. I want to go on a much needed mother daughter trip.
32. I want to go to Disneyland everyday for a full week.
33. I want to lay in bed all day watching Disney movies with my son.
34. I want to, one day, over here my son's friends telling him, "Man, your mom is cool!"
35. I want to wear dresses every day for a year.
36. I want to be a kindergarten teacher.
37. I want to do at least two crafts a month.
38. I want to take my son to his first concert.
39. I want to go to a nude beach and sunbathe.
40. I want to be on a little kid's show, like "Imagination Movers."
41. I want to be on "Don't Forget the Lyrics."
42. I want to learn how to play a full song on the piano, not just the beginning.
43. I want to ride the bus and sing "The Wheels on the Bus" till everyone else starts to sing.
44. I want to go to Vegas.
45. I want a new car.
46. I want to move to the coast once my littles move out.
47. I want to admit I secretly do not want my littles to move out.
48. I want someone to shout from the roof tops that they are madly in love with me.
49. I want to beat my husband's gamerscore on the Xbox....
50. I want to have an adult size jumperoo like my son's.
51. I want to wake up one day to breakfast in bed.
52. I want to have a date night at least once a month.
53. I want to learn how to speak French, then I want to go to France. (another two for one)
54. I want my son to one day make lunch for me, like in that Jiffy commercial.
55. I want to learn how to paint.
56. I want to be the human model for a paint class.
57. I want to cook homemade meals every day.
58. I want to learn how to be a coupon clipper.
59. I want a kitten.
60. I want to go jogging at the beach.
61. I want to stand at the shore line and dig my feet into the sand and feel the waves pull me.
62. I want to be an Egyptologist.
63. I want my whole right leg to be tattooed.
64. I want to go to Viva Las Vegas in April.
65. I want to own a '49 Chevy Coupe or a '51 Mercury Coupe.
66. I want to "Boo" and "Elf" my neighbors every year.
67. I want to be a part of a movement.
68. I want to set a world record.
69. I want to start a change.
70. I want to go to the park once a week with my son.
71. I want to go to a red carpet event.
72. I want to never forget this moment.
73. I want to always remember the day we met...
74. I want to relive our first kiss.
75. I want to rebuild a car, from beginning to end.
76. I want my son to learn how to cook from me.
77. I want m son and future kids to come to me when they need to talk and not be afraid.
78. I want to live a good life.
79. I want to get matching tattoos with my mom and grandma.
80. I want to enjoy Sundays the way they are suppose to be, by resting.
81. I want to work at my dream job. (see #62)
82. I want to be a '50s house wife but still have my freedom.
83. I want to be known by an alter ego to everyone else but my family.
84. I want beautiful curls not frizz.
85. I want to learn how to be funny.
86. I want to learn how to fix a clogged sink, shower, and toilet.
87. I want to be able to understand what my son's coos mean.
88. I want to take naps like when I was a little.
89. I want to run in a marathon.
90. I want to understand why people make fun of me.
91. I want to take my son camping.
92. I want my son to enjoy playing outside like I did as a kid.
93. I want to invent something to better the world.
94. I want to live one day of my life like it was a musical.
95. I want to be treated like a human being, not an object....
96. I want to talk without using contractions.
97. I want my hair to grow past the mid of my back.
98. I want to wake up every morning and make coffee and breakfast.
99. I want to love you forever....
100. I want you to never forget me.....

And there you have it! A hundred things I want most in life. And that is just the tip of the ice burg. I want to do this at least once every 3 months. Lets see if I remember.

14: Ring...Ring...

Why do I always get my hopes up? Seriously, this entire time that Joel and I have been together he has only called/texted me a handful of times. Okay I will be nice, two handfuls. Last night during our phone "date" I asked him if he would call me tomorrow. The response I got was "we will see." When he says stuff like this I wonder if he even cares about me, cares about his son! I pretty much have to beg him to come over and see him and when he does come I feel like I have to coax him into holding his son.

Yesterday I even told him that this weekend I will move back. But after waiting all day next to the phone, longing for it to ring, I am starting to have second thoughts. I love the guy, but how come he cannot show any effort? On our date Saturday he was extremely talkative. I have never seen that side of him. To be honest, it actually surprised me. He was literally starting conversations! For once in our ENTIRE relationship I did not have to start one.

So what happened today? What changed? Was it because I told him I will move in this weekend? Was it because I asked him to come over for his lunch? Or was it because I asked him if we would call me tomorrow?

All I have to say is if he does not get a hold of me before Saturday I am not moving back. Not till he can call me on his own. So please someone leave me advice, anything really, on how I can keep busy, and stay far away from the phone as possible.

That is if I do have any readers....

13: 4 Months old

I can not believe that my little man is four months old already. Time really does go by fast. Then again, I feel like this little guy has been in my life a whole lot longer. That's why this post will be all about him.

As a four month old you are starting to reach and grab at toys. Grandma bought you a teether and you really enjoy it. You try so hard to put it in your mouth, and there are a few times were you actually make it. Also, this past month you've even fell asleep on your own, twice. I felt like you were so grown up, I couldn't help but dance around so proud.

The last BIG milestone you've hit this month is that you are starting to teethe. My little boy is gonna have teeth soon! I can't believe it. That's why since this whole teething process has started I try to make you smile so much. Once that first tooth comes in I know I'm going to miss that wonderful gummy bear smile. Just thinking about the fact I may only have a few months left of it my eyes get so watery.

I think I should probably stop writing cause when I think about you growing up I can't help buy cry.

I love you my little Peanut!

12: UP, out, date.

I can't believe I'm on a roll with making a new post but I'm really into posting right now. That and so much has been going on in my life. Within a few hours today I went from being married to still being married yet single all at the same time. You are probably asking yourself if you read that correctly, and yes, yes you did.

Joel and I talked all day on the phone and decided that right now we are going to take things slow for right now and just start from the beginning. So our wedding bands will be handed back to be held onto and as of right now we are going back to the dating phase. Hopefully this really works out.

To be honest I'm excited about this.  Cause truthfully we did jump into this who marriage, family thing a little fast. So that's why we decided to start slow and work our way back up.

Saturday we have our first date. Mom is gonna watch Joel-Ryan while Joel and I go either bowling or to play pool. Not fully sure yet, but I can't wait. Last time I did either one was before I got pregnant. Which is really why I'm excited. I get to go out, whoo-hoo!!!

And before I end this post I just wanted to share some wonderful pictures of Joel-Ryan from New Year's Eve.



























He started the evening off bouncing in his jumperoo that Grandma and Grandpa got him. Then Grandpa decided he needed to sporting a hat like him so he put his longhorns hat on him. Then Grandpa thought he needed to look cool and had to put the hat on backwards.

Whoops!!

Then after a quick diaper and clothing change he bounced away happily watching "UP". He was really enjoying the movie "UP" I mean really enjoyed it. He didn't even want to look at me when I talked to him. So I went to go make a cake and next thing we know...



























he's out! Leaving me to figure out the 'should I let him nap in the jumperoo' adventure.

11: OH Mother Teether!!

I think I'm beginning the wonderful adventure of teething. Since New Year's Day little Joel shoves everything in his mouth. But the number one thing he loves putting in his mouth is my knuckle and when he does he gnaws away at it. He's also becoming one big ol' drooly mess, which doesn't bother me one bit. Then again his poor little lips and chin are all chapped.

Then it really hit the wall today, he's been so cranky! All he wants to do is lay in my arms and sleep. The second I put him down his eyes pop wide open and he screams. He screams so loud I think the people a few streets over can hear him. If I can't get him back to sleep I put my knuckle to his mouth and he calms down quickly.

I'm not sure if we are starting teething, but if we are I'm glad its happening cause this is one of the two things I can't wait to get over. Next one is potty training. Thankfully I've got about 2 years till then.

So if this is the adventure of teething wish me luck. Cause the way he has been acting I think I'm gonna have my hands full.


I know this sounds crazy but I've already been thinking about Joel's first birthday. What's gonna be the theme, how am I gonna decorate the cake, what is he gonna wear? And yes, I really do plan to decorate the cake. I spend hours online looking at birthday themes. Going back and forth from a Mickey party, space party, airplane party, etc. party. I've looked at it all. Right now I'm really liking the idea of a Space themed party, but that's mainly because the room he was in at the Madera hospital was space themed and I loved it!

One thing is certain though, I already know one gift I'm getting him. A book of his first year, that way when he gets older we can look at them and I can forever cherish the memories we share. I also plan to make these every year till either he tells me, "Mom, this is so embarrassing!" or when he turns 18.

So far here is the first two pages:

I can't wait to finish them up but first I need to purchase a photo editing program.

So here's to the teething, first birthday pondering adventure!

10: DIY Nursery Picture Frames

So I finally decided to post one of my DIY projects I did while pregnant. Well, it was the only DIY project I did, and you know what its really simple. All you need are the following products:

• A design you would like to use. You can either go with copying it straight from the nursery theme you are going for or you can free hand a design of your own.

For mine I decided to copy the design from a blanket cause I wanted them to match nicely with the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders theme. That, and I'm horrible at drawling fish. 

• Next item you are going to need is picture frames. 

I purchased these at Dollar Tree so I only spent 3 bucks!

And the best thing about these frames is they match perfectly with the frames I have up in the room already. Seeing how I'm sharing a room with Little J these work great! You can also go as BIG or as small as you would like. I went with 4x6 cause I will be attaching them together.

Last thing you will need is:

• Paint
• Paint Brush
• Window Marker (if you are going to copy the design from something)

Not pictured:

• Blue poka-dot ribbon, you could pick any ribbon you like as long as its wide.

Since I copied from the blanket I'm going to put those instructions but if you plan to free hand it you can skip this part.

First thing you are going to do is take the glass out of the frame and place it onto what ever you are going to copy the picture from. Take your window marker and trace the outline onto the glass when you are done your glass should look like this:

After you have your outline you can start painting as you can see in this picture I already colored in the fin green. If you wish to not have the outline just flip the glass over and paint on the other side.

After I was done painting this is how it came out. To get rid of that visible line just flip the glass back over and wipe off with water.

When I was done with everything this is how they all came out:

For added fun I free handed seaweed and bubbles to the back of the glass. If you look closely the octopus has no black dots on it's eyes like the fish and starfish. I simply used a permanent marker to drawl in the smile and pupils. 

I super glued the glass to the frame , super glued ribbon to the top and bottom of two of the frames and on one I glued ribbon to hang it up. As soon as I find a picture of it hanging on the wall completely finished I will show what I mean by the ribbon.

Hope you guys like this DIY.

9: A New Year, a new life...

I know I promised I would follow up Flash Back of 2010 Part 1 but part of me only finds the first half of the year the most enjoyable. Because with the second half, other then taking Joel to Disneyland for the first time, the only day I truly enjoyed, was the day my son was born.

Honestly September 9th has to be the best day out of my whole entire life!

That moment I feel head over heels in love with my husband again. He had given me the greatest gift I will ever know, the joy of being a mother. But as my love for my son grows, the love for my husband slowly fades. As of today I haven't been living with my husband for 3 weeks. Since the 20th I've begun to question my relationship with him altogether. Does he really love me or am I just someone he has sex with? Then I begin to think, when you have sex with someone isn't it for love? Is it? Someone please tell me it is cause I'm starting to question that.

If it is then why do I cry every time we partake in it? Does that mean he loves me? I hadn't seen Joel in almost a week. When I first saw him all I wanted to do was go out to eat and talk about what we had been up to that week. I wanted that whole first date experience to happen. What was his first reaction when he saw me? One hand up the shirt, the other down the back side of my pants.

You may start to wonder why am I even mentioning all of this if this blog is suppose to be about my adventures with baby. Well that's the thing, its part of an adventure. I've noticed when I stay awake at night crying, bawling, wishing my life would end that very moment. My son lays awake at night with me into the early morning hours, he just lays there and watches me as tears pour out my eyes. He lays there and waits for me to calm down and collect myself. He waits there silently, waits to catch my eye, and the moment he does...

he smiles that big ol' gummy bear grin I've grown to love. He melts my heart, he makes all the hurt, all the pain just go away. That one simple smile. Eyes squeezed shut, mouth wide open, hands held together close to his mouth. Its the best medicine! I start to forget that just moments ago I was crying my eyes out. And within seconds its gone again. He lays there looking at me like he knows its all better, that I'm no longer hurting.

So what is left to do? Cuddle up next to him, holding my son close and falling asleep. I've suffered from depression for so long, and who knew that being a mom for only 4 short months could change all that.

I love my son and I'm starting to believe he loves me.

But for my husband, that's a whole other story.