Thursday, July 14, 2011

Playhouse Dreaming

When one becomes a mother certain things happen to her that she never even realized. It comes so natural to us on how to take care of a baby, along with a few calls to mom, grandma, friend's with babies, and/or the neighbor down the street with the three year old. But there are other things that happen that one day smack you in the head and you freeze in that moment and realize exactly what your doing.

Like when every nursery rhyme you've ever learned comes back to you. Or how you stand in the cereal aisle singing and dancing the "Hot Dog" dance because you know it makes your little one smile.

Well, that time has finally come.

Before I was a mom I never thought about "Humpty Dumpty" or "Little Boy Blue" but now those names are constantly slipping out of my mouth more so then the latest gossip. But the one that has really gotten me is how Disney Junior has now invaded my dreams.

My dreams use to be filled with sexy, half naked men showing me with lavishing gifts. Instead I've been dreaming about Handy Manny coming over to my house to fix the Mousekadoer I borrowed from Mickey because I accidentally broke it. I mean Handy Manny is cute right? What am I thinking? I probably shouldn't even say that or Kelly might kick my ass in tonight's dream.

Happy dreaming...If you happen to see Kelly in your dream don't tell her where I'm at.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

It has finally hit me

For the past two days I have buried my head in party planning. On Tuesday I heard a song on the radio that really got to me. It made me think of my relationship with Ryan's dad. The how idea of the song was no matter how many times the guy screwed up the girl would always take him back and love him forever. That use to be me. Every time he told me "I will change" the dummy that I was believed him. And now that it's going on two months since I left him I am starting to feel the loneliness of divorce.

I long for someone to hold my hand, to hold my hand and to tell me how pretty I am. So I called him. Asked him how we were and if there was ever a chance of getting back together. You know in the "near" future.

But now I have realized I have screwed up. I never should have said anything cause now every time I talk to him that is all that he talks about. Today I was on the phone with him for an hour and the only words I got in was "I don't know" and "Ryan is asleep" the rest of the conversation was him rambling on and on about how much he has changed. But has he really? He even told me that maybe I just need to date someone else that way I can get it out of my system...seeing how I was on the verge of cheating on him anyway. His words, not mine.

I really would love to see someone, just a friend nothing romantic. But I think as long as I stay away from the country stations on the radio I won't be thinking about Ryan's dad like that again.