Ryan has been asleep for two hours now and her I still lay wide awake. I can't even stop my mind from wandering and it keeps wandering to the same thing. On Sunday my ex sister-in-law passed away. I can't even put into words how I felt when I received the news but the one thing I can not stand is how Ryan's dad is using this against me.
Monday when he came for his visit it started out with him blaming me. If I never would have left him he would still have his dog, who also passed away, and his sister. It's all my fault. Then after an hour of just sitting there with him playing quietly with Ryan he turned it into a way of trying to get me back. I couldn't believe. I felt sorry for the guy and then he does this? How sick can you get?
So now I sit here and the conversation keeps replaying over and over again in my head. "I've realized life is short I don't want to die without you by my side." Part of me wants to slap some sense into him. But then part of me just feels sorry for the guy. If he would have just kept his mouth shut I probably wouldn't have pushed him farther back.
I know its just gonna end up being another long night of laying in my dark room staring at a blurry clock trying to make out if it says 12 or 2. So please mind, can you give a girl a break. Just this once?
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